“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too” Mark 11:25 (NLT).

What if it’s just not that easy to let go of your anger? The wound is too deep; the loss too great. The anger is too powerful to relinquish hold over you, and hatred is creeping into your heart. The Bible speaks often on the necessity of forgiving, but there’s no psychological discourse on how one goes about it.

Start with John 6:28: “Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.” It’s impossible to honestly pray for a person’s peace and healing if you are harboring resentment for them. The prayer is uttered through gritted teeth, if you can even spit out the words. Pray it anyway, and while you’re at it, ask God to heal your anger.

For a little while, you’ll feel peace. But then you’ll remember the words or event that originally triggered the anger, and hatred will flood back into your heart like poison. The danger lies in not separating the anger from the hatred. The actions may be hated, but not the perpetrator.

Our emotions tangle it up into a knot that seems too complicated to untie. But not for God. Every time we feel the anger crossing the line we have to forgive again, until one day we can remember without hatred. Because we probably aren’t ever going to forget: we are shaped by life’s experiences. We must let life make us wiser, not bitter.

“Be angry, and do not sin” Psalm 4:4 (NLT).

God created humans to experience a vast array of emotions. One of these is anger. The Bible doesn’t say that being angry is a sin. It warns us of the danger in allowing this strong emotion to lead us into hatred, a desire for revenge, or at the very least, spiteful words.

There are times when anger is the only appropriate response: injustice, victimization of the innocent, blatant acts of evil and malicious disregard for the truth are a few such examples. Jesus got angry. Read John 2:13-16. But the Bible says Jesus was without sin, so his anger was deserved. It’s called “righteous anger.”

The problem is that often our anger isn’t righteous. So when you feel the blood pressure going up, stop and evaluate if it’s warranted or if it’s an ego issue. Remember that difficult person in your life? They’re good at triggering this particular emotion. And sometimes we need to take a stand; other times we must exhibit wisdom and restraint by being the peacemaker and diffusing the situation. Even when we are right and they are wrong.

Take your anger to God and ask him how you should deal with it. Remember, it’s ok to feel angry. Just don’t let the emotion take over and lead you into sin. If it’s justified, let it empower you to do something positive and meaningful, or just to make you a wiser, stronger person. Remember, every uncomfortable experience can be a teaching moment if only we are open to learn.

“Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you” Luke 6:28 (NLT).

Is there anyone in your life who plucks your nerves and makes you insane? Some people are just annoying; others seem to lay awake at night contriving how they can make us miserable. How do we deal with them?

Pray for them. And not, “Please God, let lightning strike” or “Lord, please make him pay!” These are knee jerk reactions, but as Christians we are meant to rise above basic human instincts.

In our daily walk with the Lord, as we align our thinking with God’s teachings, our hearts should be softening for all his children. When we consider them as God’s prodigals, we can begin to glimpse the heart of God being broken with longing for his children’s redemption.

Try this one: “Lord, please help him to let go of his anger or bitterness and to find peace and healing. Soften his heart, so that he can receive you.”

Yeah, it might feel like a waste of time. And they might never change. But your conscience will be clear, and God can use this person as a tool in your life to shape you into the likeness of his son, if you allow Him.

As you finish your prayer, don’t forget that you are not responsible for his actions, but you are accountable for your reaction to them. “Show me how to respond as a peacemaker instead of lashing out; give me wisdom and gentleness as I assert my boundaries.”

Difficult people are God’s children, too.

“Never stop praying” I Thessalonians 5:17.

Does prayer work? How do we know if our prayers have been heard? The expected outcome is an obvious change in the circumstances of our lives, but what if that doesn’t happen? Did God fail us?

I once made the mistake of believing that I could, through my prayers, direct God how to run the universe (which he, by the way, created). After many tears, I came to a brilliant realization. The purpose of prayer is to establish a relationship of trust and intimacy with God, and to learn from him. He really doesn’t need our advice.

But how do we hear him? It’s hard to listen for God’s voice because the phone doesn’t ring when he’s ready to speak. You just have to be ready at all times for a still small voice to reveal itself through any number of possible means. And as your relationship with God develops, he gives the wisdom and insight to deal with life’s problems.

So tell God everything that is burdening you. But don’t forget to thank him for all the ways he has already blessed you, and trust that he really does have your best interest at heart. As you read the Bible or listen to inspirational music or words, be open to receiving God’s message. Take the time to be still, and listen.

God is yearning to communicate with you. He already loves you. Talk to him, and learn to love him better.