“And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure” James 4:30 (NLT).

When my daughter asks me to buy her another stuffed animal or ice cream because she absolutely needs it, she knows I’m probably going to say no. I hate to do it, but if I give in to every request it isn’t good for her character or her health. When we pray, we have to trust that God is making decisions based on wisdom and love, and with our best interest in mind.

Walking through the deepest valley of my life, I learned that my prayers did not unlock any magic on the world. I had to ask myself, what I am doing wrong? How should I be praying?

Instead of giving God instructions on how to direct the next chapter of my life (that’s the writer in me), I’m learning to submit my will to his. “Lord, please fix this problem in my life. But if it’s not your will, give me the wisdom to know what I can learn from it and give me the strength to endure it. Please walk with me and let me feel your presence.”

Sometimes God will give us what we want, but more than anything God desires for us to grow in character and integrity. Remember the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5:22: “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.” Pray for these qualities to develop within you and God will never say “No.”

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing” James 1:2-4.

“Doesn’t God want me to be happy?” After a difficult journey through the last decade, I’ve concluded that the answer is “No.” Sorry, don’t mean to be a downer, but God has different goals than we do.

We wish for everything to work out well, like a Disney Fairy Tale. We have been led to believe silly ideas like “Dreams really do come true” and “There’s someone for everyone.” But remember, these are not inalienable rights guaranteed to all humankind.

God’s desire is for us to know, love, and trust him. Unfortunately, if life was easy and we sailed through it smiling, we would forget about God in our self sufficiency. God actually blesses us with times of suffering so that we might accomplish the greater purpose of learning to rest in his arms. There we can know peace and joy regardless of life’s hardships.

For a long time, I kept waiting for life to get better. Instead, I’d get hit with another crisis—but one from which I would learn a valuable spiritual lesson. I finally understood that without my knowledge or consent, God had signed me up for the Personal Growth Plan. Guess what? God has you on the plan, too.

God is more concerned with our character than he is with our happiness. Life’s crises and disappointments are actually opportunities for growth.

“Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow” James 1:17 NLT.

Happiness results spontaneously when there is a cause for it. Viktor Frankl asserts that it is the side effect of attaining a goal. When we participate in meaningful activities or relationships, it just happens. We don’t have to wish for it or force it. We’re happy when there’s a reason to be.

What about the rest of the time? Especially the hard times. Happiness isn’t possible when life is miserable; but we don’t need to be depressed. During these times we must practice contentment. Many successful people suggest keeping a Gratitude Journal on a daily basis. This forces us to become alert to the blessings in our lives. It’s easy to notice the things that go wrong. We have to be intentional about noticing the small and simple things that are good in our lives.

And from whom do these blessings come? Our loving Heavenly Father whose eyes are upon us all the time, even in the dark valleys of life. Think about how you feel when your kids are grateful for the 202 toys you’ve given them instead of begging for yet another one. When we develop grateful hearts, we can claim contentment even in the unhappy times.

Try this exercise: this week don’t ask God for anything (for yourself anyway). Begin every prayer with “Thank you for…” and see if you don’t experience an increase in your feelings of well being.

"If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and
will heal their land" II Chronicles, 7:14.

We’ll get back to happiness next week; our country was heavy on my heart this weekend. A recent e-mail encouraged the daily praying of this verse. But more than that, I challenge you to live it. Saying the words like a mantra will have no effective result. In order for God to forgive us and heal our land we need to do three things: humble ourselves, pray and seek God’s face, and turn from our wicked ways.

When we live humble lives, we do what is right without needing praise for it. We accept correction and take responsibility for mistakes. We show kindness and mercy to everyone we meet—not just the people we like. And when we pray, we don’t ask God for petty things, but we earnestly engage in the mystery of a relationship with our Creator. The last part is the most difficult: letting go of attitudes and habits that dishonor God.

I’ve heard it said that Christianity in the U. S. is a mile wide and an inch deep. There are a lot of people who call themselves Christians, and may even attend church regularly. But that is not the same as having a relationship with the Living God: a relationship that affects every nuance of your existence. We need to stop compartmentalizing our faith and live it. If our nation is to be spared judgment, Christians need to begin taking their faith seriously.

Actions speak louder than words. Does your life testify of Christ?