“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too” Mark 11:25 (NLT).

What if it’s just not that easy to let go of your anger? The wound is too deep; the loss too great. The anger is too powerful to relinquish hold over you, and hatred is creeping into your heart. The Bible speaks often on the necessity of forgiving, but there’s no psychological discourse on how one goes about it.

Start with John 6:28: “Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.” It’s impossible to honestly pray for a person’s peace and healing if you are harboring resentment for them. The prayer is uttered through gritted teeth, if you can even spit out the words. Pray it anyway, and while you’re at it, ask God to heal your anger.

For a little while, you’ll feel peace. But then you’ll remember the words or event that originally triggered the anger, and hatred will flood back into your heart like poison. The danger lies in not separating the anger from the hatred. The actions may be hated, but not the perpetrator.

Our emotions tangle it up into a knot that seems too complicated to untie. But not for God. Every time we feel the anger crossing the line we have to forgive again, until one day we can remember without hatred. Because we probably aren’t ever going to forget: we are shaped by life’s experiences. We must let life make us wiser, not bitter.